For all my lovely-lady friends…
Ladies...
Does it ever feel as if life likes to throw you a curve ball every once in a while, just to keep you on your toes?!?!
Let's talk about something that will effect all of my lovely lady friends at some point in your lives, and something I definitely didn't think I would have to face so early in mine...perimenopause! When I came home from my job last year to focus on my family, my writing and art, and to manage the household instead of a restaurant, I was ready for some much needed rest and relaxation. The LAST thing I expected was to discover that the exhaustion, brain fog, mood swings, and anxiety I was battling was not work related and would not only continue to hang around, but that it would explode into full blown panic attacks and depression.
This is hard to talk about, and hard to admit...especially for me, someone who's known for being SHINY and HAPPY all of the time!
The hardest part of the emotional changes over that last couple of years, was that it was very confusing to me.
My life, in comparison to what others have to face on the daily, is really quite blessed. So why was I so sad?
My husband, loves me beyond a shadow of a doubt, he protects me, he cherishes me, he shows me patience and unwavering support...so why was I feeling so alone? So worthless? My children are so bright and beautiful and vibrant! They love me and tell me frequently how important I am to them...so why did I feel like they would be better off without me? NONE of it made any sense to me.
My logic and my emotions were at war.
I found other things to blame the symptoms on. Adjusting to life at home instead of 55+ hour work weeks with a weekly 10 hour commute, navigating the challenges of co-parenting a teenager, finding my boundaries and dealing with unwanted and costly home repairs...and I probably would have continued to explain away the problems my body was facing had I not started having physical issues as well.
I've always had relatively low blood pressure, suddenly I was having heart palpitations regularly, since I had lost the majority of my PCOS weight with Keto, I am usually freezing all of the time, now-randomly I am HOT...like HELLFIRE HOT!!! I was experiencing what I thought was blood sugar drops due to my insulin resistance...but was just super fun nausea and dizziness! My allergies and asthma got worse, I was forgetting entire conversations, peoples names, or what I was talking about in the middle of my sentence! I had ZERO imagination. I couldn’t paint, sketch, sing, or write. And MOST frustrating, after my keto journey success...regardless of how well I maintain low carb/no sugar/gluten free...I'd gained back 30 pounds and had very little strength or stamina.
I have always had a great deal of muscle, under all the fluff...due to my high testosterone levels, thanks to my dear friend, PCOS. So feeling weak and tired, and unable to do the things I've never had problems doing in the past...is stupid.
I've dealt with having to pluck facial hair since my PCOS diagnosis at age 17, that fun little hobby disappeared about two years ago along with my chin whiskers. What I though was luck, turned out to be an upside to my new middle aged escapades!
Finally it was clear, it was time to go to the doctor and get it figured out.
While facing perimenopause at the age of 43 sounds crazy and to most...upsetting. I find it such a HUGE relief!!! The light bulb is on!! It all makes sense now! Everything I have been suffering from has been explained and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That ALONE has helped my emotional health, immensely!
I finally finished my first round of hormones. I will need new pellets every three months to maintain optimal health. I find it hard to put into words, the difference I felt after getting my hormone pellets.
Last year seems like a distant and far off memory. Most of the images I can conjure from what I now refer to as “My dark period” are just that…dark. The memories are in black and white and not at all clear. Flash forward to the middle of my hormone cycle…everything was vibrant and bright again! I was painting, sketching and writing over two-thousand words a day. I was learning Gaelic, taking the kids on fishing trips, and running circles around my little family.
I am now feeling the waning effects as I have struggled to write the last two weeks and am having a difficult time creating content and being motivated to do anything. I am not feeling joy in my art and I am not feeling satisfaction with anything I write. Thank goodness tomorrow is hormone day again.
I am so very grateful to have a platform to share this information and bring light to something that is so very common, so impactful to your life, and absolutely treatable.
Ladies, pay attention to your bodies, if you start feeling like you don't know who you are anymore, ask for help. If you lose interest in things you typically love, reach out. If you start to isolate and pull away from friends and loved one...don't, you are not alone.
And please pay attention to those around you and how they behave during this turbulent time in your life. Those that truly love you and have your best interest at heart will show you compassion, love and understanding. If they react in any other way, its time to put your boundaries in place and rely on the people who love and support you.
I am one of those people. Reach out, I am here for you.
Take care, stay blessed and be happy. Life is too short to stay lost in the fog.
L.